My father asked me if I am gay
...I asked him "Does it matter?"
He said "No, not really."
So I said "Yes."He said "Get out of my life!"
...I guess it mattered.
My boss asked me if I am gay
...I asked him "Does it matter?"
He said "no, not really."
So I said "Yes."He said "You're fired, faggot!"
...I guess it mattered.
My best friend asked me if I am gay
...I asked him "Does it matter?"
He said "No, not really."
So I said "Yes."He said "Don't call me your friend!"
...I guess it mattered.
My lover asked me "Do you love me?"
I asked him "Does it matter?"
He said "Yes!"So I told him I loved him.
He said "Let me hold you in my arms!"
For the first time in my life something matters!
My God asked me "Do you love yourself?"
I asked him "Does it matter?"
He said "Yes!"I asked him "How can I love myself if I am gay?"
He said "That is how I made you."Nothing again will ever really matter.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Saturday, December 20, 2003
Ever Wonder...
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
5. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there song about him?
6. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
7. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
8. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
9. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
11. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
13. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
16. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
17. Stop singing and read on ......
18. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
19. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
21. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
22. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
5. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there song about him?
6. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
7. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
8. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
9. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
11. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
13. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
16. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
17. Stop singing and read on ......
18. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
19. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
21. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
22. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Mankind
What surprises me most about mankind?
That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived...
What are some of life's lessons to learn?
To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.
To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves.
Remeber that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived...
What are some of life's lessons to learn?
To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.
To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves.
Remeber that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Explanation
Adolfo, a friend from Key West, FL, wrote to me..."gracias mr. marco. i would like to know what this means? 'Things Turn Out Best for the People Who Makethe Best Out of the Way Things Turn Out To' what are you trying to say?"
This was my reply...
Lets say you get lost on the road, then you get aflat, your cell phone is not working, starts to rain, you have no spare tire, and it is getting dark. after a few minutes, which seem to be an eternity to you, a truck driver stops and gives you a ride to get your tire fixed. On the way to the nearest town you realized the car that was in front of you, while you were driving before your flat, had rolled over and the emergency unit is there trying to save that person's life trapped in the car. You could see the skid marks on the road that the car had spun before rolling over on the side shoulder. You also notice another car onthe opposite side crushed into a median tree. That car had been coming on the opposite road. You hear the radio informing of the accident being started by the opposite car's driver. The driver had fell asleep and got off the road. It was headed to the car just infront of you (if you were still driving then) but the car tried to scape the hit and lost control of the car, just as she jerked, it so it would not get hit. That would have meant that you were the target then. By this, the driver had awaken and pressed the breaks also loosing control and sliding back to the median finally hitting a tree. Both drivers were lucky to survive such tragedy.
You get to the nearest town, the truck driver leaves you there. You still have no reception, and the tire place has been closed already. You have no choice but to look for a place to stay the night. As you are walking clueless, 3 guyz corner you and steal your wallet. Before they left you alone, they had given you a good beat. Someone was passing by and noticed you were weak and hurt. This person offers to help you. They carry you to their house, and there, they feed you and clean your wounds.
The next morning, you get your tire fixed, but have no way of paying the mechanic. The mechanic does not want to give you the tire unless you pay him. You then remember you left your debit card in the glovebox of your car. The mechanic sends someone with you to see about your car. When you get there, your car had been broken in. The glass of the passanger window was everywhere. They had stolen your cd player. To your surprise, the thieves did not bother to look inthe glove box becuase your debit card was still there. Then you place the tire back. Your car starts fine, and you go to the town and pay the mechanic. As you were leaving, you noticed the guy you least liked was passing by. He recognizes you and stops to ask if you were ok. He offered to follow you till you got home safe since it was on his way. You get home safe.
At night, before going to sleep, you start to think about the series of events that had just passed. You can take that as the worse experience ever in your life, right? at the same time, you can take another look and realize how blessed you are for still being alive, and not to mention that the person you least expect to helped you, was there for you.
Thus, depending on how YOU look at things that happen in your life, that is how things will turn out to. If you look at it in agood positive way...you will see that experience thatway as well. I truly believe that I have the ability to turn every situation to its best, can you?
This was my reply...
Lets say you get lost on the road, then you get aflat, your cell phone is not working, starts to rain, you have no spare tire, and it is getting dark. after a few minutes, which seem to be an eternity to you, a truck driver stops and gives you a ride to get your tire fixed. On the way to the nearest town you realized the car that was in front of you, while you were driving before your flat, had rolled over and the emergency unit is there trying to save that person's life trapped in the car. You could see the skid marks on the road that the car had spun before rolling over on the side shoulder. You also notice another car onthe opposite side crushed into a median tree. That car had been coming on the opposite road. You hear the radio informing of the accident being started by the opposite car's driver. The driver had fell asleep and got off the road. It was headed to the car just infront of you (if you were still driving then) but the car tried to scape the hit and lost control of the car, just as she jerked, it so it would not get hit. That would have meant that you were the target then. By this, the driver had awaken and pressed the breaks also loosing control and sliding back to the median finally hitting a tree. Both drivers were lucky to survive such tragedy.
You get to the nearest town, the truck driver leaves you there. You still have no reception, and the tire place has been closed already. You have no choice but to look for a place to stay the night. As you are walking clueless, 3 guyz corner you and steal your wallet. Before they left you alone, they had given you a good beat. Someone was passing by and noticed you were weak and hurt. This person offers to help you. They carry you to their house, and there, they feed you and clean your wounds.
The next morning, you get your tire fixed, but have no way of paying the mechanic. The mechanic does not want to give you the tire unless you pay him. You then remember you left your debit card in the glovebox of your car. The mechanic sends someone with you to see about your car. When you get there, your car had been broken in. The glass of the passanger window was everywhere. They had stolen your cd player. To your surprise, the thieves did not bother to look inthe glove box becuase your debit card was still there. Then you place the tire back. Your car starts fine, and you go to the town and pay the mechanic. As you were leaving, you noticed the guy you least liked was passing by. He recognizes you and stops to ask if you were ok. He offered to follow you till you got home safe since it was on his way. You get home safe.
At night, before going to sleep, you start to think about the series of events that had just passed. You can take that as the worse experience ever in your life, right? at the same time, you can take another look and realize how blessed you are for still being alive, and not to mention that the person you least expect to helped you, was there for you.
Thus, depending on how YOU look at things that happen in your life, that is how things will turn out to. If you look at it in agood positive way...you will see that experience thatway as well. I truly believe that I have the ability to turn every situation to its best, can you?
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Plato's Symposium:
Each of us when separated, having one side only, like a flat fish, is but the indenture of man, and he is always looking for his other half. Men who are a section of that double nature which was once called androgynous are lovers of women; adulterers are generally of this breed, and also adulterous women who lust after men, but have female attachments; the female companions are of this sort. But they who are a section of the male follow the male, and while they are young, being slices of the original man, they hang about with men and embrace them, and they are themselves the best of boys and youths, because they have the most manly nature. Some indeed assert that they are shameless, but this is not true, for they do not act thus from any want of shame, but because they are valiant and manly, and have a manly countenance, and they embrace that which is like them. And these when they grow up become our statesmen, and these only, which is a great proof of the truth of what I am saying. When they reach manhood they are lovers of youth, and are not naturally inclined to marry or to begat children--if at all, they do so only in obedience to the law; but they are satisfied if they may be allowed to live with one another unwedded; and such a nature is prone to love and ready to return love, always embracing that which is akin to him. And when one of them meets his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together, yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intesne yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment.
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Did You Know?
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flyingover the Parliament building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends inthe letters "mt."
All 50 states are listed across the top of theLincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula".
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a usedfurniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's A Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.(DON'T try this @ home!)
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tub and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. (Presbyterian)
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
Elvis had a twin brother named Aaron, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the lefthand.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turnwhite.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazydog" uses every letter in the English language.
The continents names all end with the same letter with which they start. TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they areread left to right or right to left.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (does that one really surprise any of us?)
Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1000 and a size of 108.7 acres.
Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
No president of the United States was an only child.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flyingover the Parliament building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends inthe letters "mt."
All 50 states are listed across the top of theLincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula".
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a usedfurniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's A Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.(DON'T try this @ home!)
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tub and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. (Presbyterian)
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
Elvis had a twin brother named Aaron, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the lefthand.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turnwhite.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazydog" uses every letter in the English language.
The continents names all end with the same letter with which they start. TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they areread left to right or right to left.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (does that one really surprise any of us?)
Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1000 and a size of 108.7 acres.
Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
No president of the United States was an only child.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
Brain Teasers
Test Time
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)!
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)
6. What 2 #s (on that same telephone dial) don't have letters by them?
7. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
8. How many matches are in a standard pack?
9. On USA flag, is the top stripe red or white?
10. What is the lowest # on the FM dial?
11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter-or clockwise?
12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
14. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?
15. On an NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?
16. Which way do fans rotate?
17. Whose face is on a dime?
18. How many sides does a stop sign have?
19. Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?
20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
25. On which playing card is the cardmaker's trademark?
26. On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
27. On the back of a $1, what is in the center?
28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
29. How many curves are in a standard paper clip?
30. Does a merry-go-round turn counterclockwise or clockwise?
Brain Teasers: Test Answers
1. Bottom
2. 50 (please tell me you at least got this one!)
3. right
4. blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold
5. Q, Z
6. 1, 0
7. left
8. 20
9. Red
10. 88
11. counter (unless you happen to be south of the equator)
12. towards bottom right
13. 12 (no #1)
14. right
15. top
16. clockwise as you look at it
17. Roosevelt
18. 8 What about the front side and back side? I think it also could be 10.
19. left
20. 5
21. 6
22 Bashful
23. 6
24. Did you notice there wasn't question #24?
25. Ace of spades
26. left
27. ONE
28. *, #
29. 3
30. counter
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)!
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)
6. What 2 #s (on that same telephone dial) don't have letters by them?
7. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
8. How many matches are in a standard pack?
9. On USA flag, is the top stripe red or white?
10. What is the lowest # on the FM dial?
11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter-or clockwise?
12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
14. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?
15. On an NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?
16. Which way do fans rotate?
17. Whose face is on a dime?
18. How many sides does a stop sign have?
19. Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?
20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
25. On which playing card is the cardmaker's trademark?
26. On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
27. On the back of a $1, what is in the center?
28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
29. How many curves are in a standard paper clip?
30. Does a merry-go-round turn counterclockwise or clockwise?
Brain Teasers: Test Answers
1. Bottom
2. 50 (please tell me you at least got this one!)
3. right
4. blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold
5. Q, Z
6. 1, 0
7. left
8. 20
9. Red
10. 88
11. counter (unless you happen to be south of the equator)
12. towards bottom right
13. 12 (no #1)
14. right
15. top
16. clockwise as you look at it
17. Roosevelt
18. 8 What about the front side and back side? I think it also could be 10.
19. left
20. 5
21. 6
22 Bashful
23. 6
24. Did you notice there wasn't question #24?
25. Ace of spades
26. left
27. ONE
28. *, #
29. 3
30. counter
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